Next Wednesday, Meredith will be 2 months old which means her first shot.. She's gonna wind up being sick because apparently baby's get sick from shots which sucks, so I of course will be taking care of her and will be stuck inside my house even longer than I would like. I hope she's better by the time august 1st rolls around though so I can go to the movies to see the third mummy movie. I love mummy movies, well I like anything egyptian and anything with dragons which is perfect because the third mummy movie has dragons in it.. Yay!!!

But anyways I won't have my cell phone this weekend since my mom is giving it to my sister so she can take it to Vegas this weekend, I wish I go leave this town and go to Vegas for a day.. I'm irresponsible that's why I'm not allowed anywhere. My sister Brooke can go out of town with two guys.

Well I've decided to start drawing again, trying to anyways. But I don't have a scanner so I won't be putting anything up so its really pointless, but I will be trying to improve my crappy drawings. My drawings are like stick figures compared to everyone else's which makes me wanna try harder. I try and draw things in my head but I can't to get it down on paper, it winds up being completely different.

But anyways my daughter Meredith will be 6 weeks on Monday. I'm still in shock that I'm a mom, its still weird to me like, I can't act like a kid anymore. Which sucks because I'm slowly trying to grow up but its still hard to realize that Meredith is completely dependent on me.

Other than that I think I might have my first girlfriend, her name is Yuri. I've known her since before I went to Desert Tech; But anyways I asked her out, she never gives me the answers I wanna hear but I'm pretty sure we're dating.I'm her first girlfriend as well she doesn't have a problem with who she's dating, she's afraid of what her family might think of it. We've been together secretly for maybe a week and a half almost two weeks.

Lately whenever Meredith is sleeping I should be sleeping but I constantly think about stuff. Like over the past four years I've realized that I've never really had anyone to hang out with, I've had friends but never really had the chance to hang out with them... I'm not really much fun anyways to tell ya the truth, the fact that I'm quiet doesn't help either and I never know what to say. I also feel out of place like I don't belong I don't know why I'm not outgoing its just ever since I was little my mom's never approved of me having friends. I still don't know why I listen to her, I mean I don't like my step-dad touching my daughter and my mom throwing a fit and doesn't wanna touch or even look at Meredith. She makes me feel like a horrible mother and I don't a say on how to raise her. I would move but of course I don't own anything and wouldn't able to bring anything with me but Meredith's stuff.

-update-
My brother is an asshole, reason I say this is because I got pictures of Meredith printed out for birth announces (my mother's idea). But anyways I asked my mom who she was sending them to and my brother said that she would send them out to child rapists (don't know if I spelled it right) but ya I got pissed but I can't lay a finger on him, and he knows it thats why he said what he did. My mom just told my little brother that its not right to say things like that and thats all she said, she didn't ground him, didn't yell or anything. Which in turn pissed me off, I mean come on I forget to do the dishes one day and I'm grounded for a week, he says something horrible and nothing..

tomorrow my daughter will be a month old and its just unbelievable ya know. I can't believe a month has gone by so fast its just like I brought her home yesterday I love her so much.

My little girl is already 10 days old and its amazing being a mom, she's such a good little girl and I'm still adjusting to the sleeping when she's sleeping thing but I have gotten some sleep. Its really hard to believe that she's 10 days old because even though it hasn't been long I remember them placing her on my tummy to see her. Its the greatest feeling in the world to see someone who needs you and will be depending on you for everything.
She's my little angel, she filled a hole in my heart that I didn't even know existed. I'll never stop loving my baby girl.